When my siblings did occasionally help, I'd have to organise a detailed rota of care. If there were any issues, they'd always call me.
‘My siblings found it hard to cope with Mum's behaviour, and found it embarrassing when out with her.’
Eventually, we convinced Mum to visit a day centre, which we nicknamed her ‘club’.
I’d compare it to sending a child off to school – lots of tears, tantrums, a general refusal to go.
After two weeks, she started to enjoy herself. She had made some friends who she called her ‘school friends’. We used the day centre as a test to see how Mum would react to long term care.
Considering moving Mum into residential care
With the help of an old friend who works in a residential care home, we toured a couple of options and found one I thought she'd feel comfortable in.
Before the move, the manager came to assess Mum in her own home. They could see it wasn’t safe for her to be living alone any longer.
‘I asked them not to mention the phrase ‘care home’ in front of Mum as she was so upset at the idea of moving into one.’
Instead, we told her that her club had closed for the summer but that we’d found somewhere else for her to go, which she seemed to accept.
On the morning of the move, Mum was upset and angry with me. I hung around for a while to settle her, but the manager said it was better if I left to let Mum get used to me not being around.
As I was about to leave, another resident took Mum by the hand and wandered with her into the dining room for lunch. She looked comfortable, happy and unaware that I was there.
